Tag Archives: Jack Nicholson

2014: A Year in Movies That I Saw

Join me on a magical journey to Movie Town!

Join me on a magical journey to Movie Town!

While it can take years and years to make a movie, it only takes like two hours to watch one, so I saw a whole bunch this year. While I didn’t love all of them, I bet some of you will!

You should see this movie if you…

Stories We Tell (2012, USA)

Fantasize about having a different biological dad.

Her (2013, USA)

Eagerly await robosex.

Short Term 12 (2013, USA)

Want to believe those ragtag, troubled youths are going to make it after all.

The Class (2008, France)

Want to believe those ragtag, troubled French youths are going to make it after all.

Frances Ha (2012, USA)

Believe Greta Gerwig may be adorable and want to spend two hours testing whether or not that really is the case.

Philomena (2013, UK)

Believe Dame Judi Dench may be adorable and want to spend two hours testing whether or not that really is the case.

The Act of Killing (2013, Norway/Denmark/UK)

Want to see the movie with the most “holy shit” moments per minute. In case you’re not familiar, this movie is a documentary in which actual killers re-enacting their killings in the style of various film genres.

Breaking The Waves (1996, Denmark)

Want to see something super morally reprehensible. Every year I end up talking myself into watching a Lars von Trier movie, and every year I end up angry at having spent a long-ass time only to end up quaking with rage at the horrible implications of the events that transpire. In the case of Breaking The Waves, the moral of the story is ostensibly that you should follow your own path toward faith rather than that of a dogmatic church, but what this works out to in practice is that you should always do exactly as your husband tells you, even if it literally means going onto a pirate ship with the explicit intention of being raped to death. :/

 The Hunt (2012, Denmark)

Want to see something marginally less morally reprehensible than Breaking The Waves. For having produced Borgen, AKA the Greatest TV Show Evar, Denmark sure has come up with some objectionable-ass movies. This one’s basically about how children are always going around accusing adults of raping them and we shouldn’t believe them.

Sightseers (2012, UK)

Believe a boring couples vacation can be livened up with a bunch of random, gratuitous murders.

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013, USA)

Saw the first Hunger Games and thought, “You know what would make the sequel perfect? If nothing whatsoever was different!”

Gravity (2012, USA)

Hate movies with accurate titles. All they do is float! Honestly, the only way this could be topped is if 12 Years a Slave were called Unionized Workspace.

Flight (2012, USA)

Love accurate movie titles. It’s “Flight”, not “Flights” for a reason. This movie has exactly one exciting flight scene followed by fifty boring drinking scenes.

My Winnipeg (2007, Canada)

Want to believe that the most popular TV show in Winnipeg is one in which an oversensitive man takes offense at something and then needs to be talked out of suicide. I mean, it might be true.

12 Years a Slave (2013, USA)

Want to see Brad Pitt play cast himself in the most self-indulgent role in film history.

Bande a Part (1966, France)

Enjoy fun dancin’!

Closely Observed Trains (1966, Czechoslovakia)

Closely Observed Trains

Like anti-Nazi, coming of age sex comedies.

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Entire Generation Chooses to Die Alone, Says NY Times

Sk8er Boi

Modern Dating

Good news, gang, New York Times has dispatched its team of world-class anthropologists to… I’m not sure where exactly–a bar in Philadelphia? In any case, you might be surprised to learn that young (and since our first subject is 30-years-old, I’m using the word “young” liberally here) people don’t go on formal dates with their schoolmates, then save themselves for the third date, then “go off to camp” during the summer and leave the shame baby to be raised by their parents with nobody the wiser, Bobby Darin/Jack Nicholson-style. Such, such were the joys of a rigid and formal dating system.

I should back up for a second here. The article I am talking about is this thing. It begins:

MAYBE it was because they had met on OkCupid. But when the dark-eyed musician with artfully disheveled hair asked Shani Silver, a social media and blog manager in Philadelphia, out on a “date” Friday night, she was expecting at least a drink, one on one.

“At 10 p.m., I hadn’t heard from him,” said Ms. Silver, 30, who wore her favorite skinny black jeans. Finally, at 10:30, he sent a text message. “Hey, I’m at Pub & Kitchen, want to meet up for a drink or whatever?” he wrote, before adding, “I’m here with a bunch of friends from college.”

The great tragedy here is that unlike in past generations when musicians were well-known for their punctuality and unquestioning adherence to social mores, this artfully disheveled hellhound misused the word “date.” Sid Vicious would be ashamed.

Turned off, she fired back a text message, politely declining. But in retrospect, she might have adjusted her expectations. “The word ‘date’ should almost be stricken from the dictionary,” Ms. Silver said. “Dating culture has evolved to a cycle of text messages, each one requiring the code-breaking skills of a cold war spy to interpret.”

Oooh, good use of the action verb “fired”! In any event, I can’t really dispute the notion that blind dates (which online dates effectively are) are much more risky in terms of expectations than other kinds of dates, assuming that Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe were not the last two people to ever go on a date as this article sorta implies.

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Game of the Century to Be Decided By Bulleted List I Just Made

Seriously, Alabama? This is Your State Flag?

Whenever one faces a difficult decision in life, a pros and cons list usually has the answer. And whether or not listing reasons why and reasons why not is a good idea, it does give me the opportunity to shoehorn in this really important clip of Keith Jackson quitting halfway through a promo for Emily’s Reasons Why Not in the 2005 BCS National Championship game that I spent about a half hour trying to find.

Here’s the reasons to suspect that LSU is going to pull this one out, or more accurately that Bama is going to lose. Because you know, hate hate hate.

Bama is going to lose this game because:

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