Tag Archives: Facebook

Sheryl Sandberg Is Wrong: Bossy Children Are Terrible

As you probably are aware, Facebook COO and all-around successfulperson/self-appointed voice of womankind Sheryl Sandberg has launched a campaign to ban the word “bossy.” Let’s go over the positives of #BanBossy first:

  • It’s good to encourage girls.
  • “Bossy” does tend to be used on women and girls more so than on men and boys
  • Popular people such as Brigitte Bardot, Bob Benson, Bobby Brown, and Benjamin Button have the initials BB.

As you may have guessed, I have some quibbles with the Ban Bossy campaign. And not because in America you can’t ban words, and any attempt to do so is going to invite resistance. And not because if you’re going to tell people they can’t say a thing anymore, “bossy” is the most ironic choice possible. And not for semi-racism reasons. And not because this really only affects the little Sheryl Sandbergs out there, with the implicit message that non-leader (?) little girls can go die their worthless deaths. And not because campaigns against more vicious slurs like Ban Bitchy and Ban Cunty (I was uncomfortable even typing that!) would be more universal.

No.

lean-in_custom-575cb1cc7e2e0e704abfffbc2a0ce498dafad0f8-s6-c30The problem with Ban Bossy is…do we really want to live in a world in which little girls are as awful and bossy as little boys?

Have you ever met a particularly “assertive” little boy? They’re the worst human beings possible. They assume you want to hear their boring, self-obsessed stories. They Lord of the Flies each other. Are these really the behaviors we want to be enabling in sweet, kind girls?

The answer is not, as Sheryl Sandberg would have it, to encourage girls to develop their leadership skills–it’s to discourage bossy behavior in boys and girls alike lest it fester into something more sinister and they end up becoming “leaders.”

For example, let’s let Sheryl Sandberg (and again I refer to her as “Sheryl Sandberg” because it’s just one of those names that is meant to be said in its entirety) explain what leaders are like as children:

When my brother and sister describe our childhood, they will say that I never actually played as a child but instead just organized other kids’ play. At my wedding, they stood up and introduced themselves by explaining, “Hi, we’re Sheryl’s younger brother and sister … but we’re not really her younger brother and sister. We’re her first employees—employee No. 1 and employee No. 2.” From a very young age, I liked to organize—the toys in my room, neighborhood play sessions, clubs at school.

In short: horrible monsters. Is that what’s wrong with society? Not enough children ruthlessly instilling order and discipline in their play time and trampling anyone who gets in their way?

In conclusion, #BanBossy is very exciting if you’re hoping some more girls can grow up to be women who join the ranks of great leaders such as George Bush, who led us into Iraq, Jordan Belfort who led investors to give him their money, and Richie Incognito who led the Miami Dolphins to bully the bejesus out of Jonathan Martin, and also, an 8-8 record.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Handicapping the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize Field

Nobel Prize Medal

“Oh yeah, I’ve been looking all over for that.” -Kofi Annan

NOBEL WEEK IS HERE, YOU GUYS!!!!

And while we’re all excited about the winners (score one depression-era Canadians who somewhat ill-advisedly go visit their ex-girlfriends with their young children everywhere!) in other categories, the granddaddy of them all, the Nobel Peace Prize will be given out on Friday. Without any further ado, let’s have a look at the contenders from Paddy Power’s list of bettable candidates.

YOU WOULDN’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE PEACE IF A DOVE EXTENDED AN OLIVE BRANCH TO YOU

100/1 Bono

For unifying the world in the opinion that Bono is a self-righteous prig.

80/1 Facebook

“What’s cooler than the UNESCO Prize for Peace Education? The Nobel Peace Prize.” -Sean Parker, The Social Network 2: Networkin’ For The Weekend

YOU ARE ACTIVELY OPPOSED TO PEACE IN ALL ITS FORMS

66/1 Vladimir Putin

Regrettably, the Nobel Prize for Achievement in Terrible Gay Bashing and Iron-Fisted Dictatorship was proposed to Alfred Nobel, but he decided it made more sense to have a Medicine category instead.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Today in News: Japan is Weird

125084-minami-minegishi-akb48-shaved-head

A member of a Japanese girl group shaved her head and issued a tearful apology for violating the group’s no-dating rule after she was seen leaving a boy’s apartment. In keeping with Japanese tradition, she will confine all further romantic relationships to sex robots and tentacled sea creatures.

Scientists say there is no cause for panic as a large asteroid is scheduled to harmlessly fly by earth. After hearing of yet another false alarm, a disgruntled Steven Tyler threw down his microphone in disgust and declared he was now willing to Miss A Thing.

A recent study showed that young adults commonly get back together with their exes–meaning the next decade of Taylor Swift songs are going to be really repetitive.

It was revealed that four step-grandchildren of former Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels are billionaires. The grandchildren have remained private out of concerns over negative publicity, noting that the gene for using pure evil to manipulate public opinion skips two generations.

A couple of college students have invented a new Facebook app, which is designed to facilitate anonymous hookups among Facebook friends. The app is said to be an improvement over the previous way to hook up over the internet with nobody finding out: MySpace.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Trendwatch ’11

Not having Facebook is the new not having TV.

Not having the internet is the new not having Facebook.

Not having a computer is the new not having the internet.

Not having electricity is the new not having internet.

Not having a roof is the new not having electricity.

Living out of your car is the new not having a roof.

Continue reading

Tagged , , ,
%d bloggers like this: