Give All The Awards To These People Who Found Obama Eating A Sandwich

The Greatest Sandwich Known to Man

The Greatest Sandwich Known to Man

So, the editors at the LA Times needed a story.

A big story.

A story that was going to restore America’s faith in an impartial press that is not beholden to corporate interests or pageviews, one that still has a hunger to speak truth to power and stand up for what’s right in the world.

A story that was going to change everything. That was going to cut through all the noise and get to the bottom of this government shutdown business.

And so when Kathleen Hennessey pitched her editors on an article titled “Obama, Biden run out for sandwiches, damage control,” they knew she had STRUCK GOLD.

But much the way Woodward needed Bernstein, the editors knew that one reporter was not going to be enough. So they assigned another writer, so Kathleen Hennessey and Christi Parsons could break this story together–presumably with Hennessey, who spent twelve years as the sandwich meats beat reporter for Pork Quarterly doing the sandwich-based reporting and Christi Parsons, upon whom the television series Scandal is based, handling the damage control aspect.

Needless to say, they had an all-star team. And as with a veal & caviar sandwich, top of the line ingredients lead to a delicious result.

First, the reporting duo managed to somehow track the whereabouts of the elusive President and Vice President of the United States, a fact they were rightfully proud of:

With nothing public on his schedule and an anonymous quote from an administration official to bat away, President Obama walked out of the White House with Vice President Joe Biden on Friday to pick up sandwiches and engage in a little damage control.

Despite the President’s attempt to discreetly get an unscheduled sandwich, they would not be denied. And Obama, once cornered by our intrepid duo, would distance himself from comments made by an anonymous official within the administration who said the White House was “winning” the shutdown. After what must have been a great deal of consternation, President Obama made the difficult decision and found the willpower to repudiate the claims made by this official who was anonymously undermining his administration’s goals.

But that’s not all. Our reporters not only analyzed this sandwich, but put it in the context of sandwiches past:

The president has turned to Taylor’s Philadelphia-style hoagies during tough times with Congress before. In May 2012, as he tried to win support for his economic proposals, the president fetched takeout from Taylor for a meeting of the top four congressional leaders.

It really puts it all in perspective. Sandwich grease really lubricates the gears of our democracy.

No word yet on what kind of sandwich President Obama and Vice President Biden got.

UPDATE:

Obama ordered the “Race Street” sub (roasted turkey, prosciutto, pesto and mozzarella) and water, while Biden opted for the “9th Street Italian” (salami, capicola, prosciutto and provolone) and a lemonade.

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One thought on “Give All The Awards To These People Who Found Obama Eating A Sandwich

  1. kita says:

    Your sandwich piece (including “pure” photo of The Greatest Sandwich Known to Man, minus any polluting dairy beverages) confirms what I’ve long believed – you’re in the right line of work!

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