Apology Tour: Emmy Week Edition (Emmy’s Will Not Be Discussed)

In the nonstop circus that is today’s gotcha media Twittersphere blogoverse Tumblrtown, public figures are held accountable for their actions more often than ever. For that reason, I present Apology Tour, where we take the week in apologies and grade them using a proprietary formula based on several criteria such as severity of incident, sincerity, necessity of apology and other stuff that I’m forgetting right now. Without further ado…

Esquire Magazine for accidentally putting the headline “Making Your Morning Commute More Stylish” next to the famous picture of a man falling out of the World Trade Center on September 11


Listen, people at Esquire. I know that your ideal man is one who sits in an overstuffed leather chair smoking a cigar and subjugating women, but, come on, you can’t just smugly brush off a 9/11 snafu. That’s the worst kind of snafu left. Just a simple “we’ve made a mistake” would’ve sufficed. And don’t do it on Twitter. A note from the editor on the website would’ve been better.

Grade: F–

Nebraska Football Coach Bo Pelini after being caught on tape saying “Fuck our fans.”

Remember how when you were in school you always wondered if your teachers were making fun of you whenever they went into the Teachers’ Lounge? Well, this is the football version of that, confirming all your suspicions that the coach at your local school doesn’t view you, the fans of the team as “vital support” so much as “a drunken nuisance.” And so, befitting this debacle, Pelini has apologized.

This past week has obviously been a difficult one for many people associated with the University of Nebraska and our football program. I wanted to take this opportunity to say I regret the comments that I made in private two years ago, and apologize to Husker fans everywhere.

We all make mistakes in our lives, both personally and professionally, and like everyone else I am human. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and correct them to improve yourself as a person. I hope you can see that I have done that and continue to strive to improve each day.

Most importantly, I want all of you to know that my comments in 2011 were not in any way representative of my true feelings about our great fans and donors here at Nebraska. The time, energy, money and passion you invest in our football program and all of our athletic programs is second to none.

Not bad. In particular, I enjoyed the unsaid, but implied part where he hated Nebraska fans way back in 2011, but has grown as a person and now is fond of them. Still, points docked for not apologizing for getting smoked at home by UCLA.

Grade: C+

David Thomson, Coca-Cola Refreshments Canada Vice President, for a Canadian Vitaminwater bottlecap that contained the message “YOU RETARD”

You Retard Bottlecap

Now, you’re probably wondering why a Canadian woman’s bottle of Vitaminwater contained the words “You Retard” on its cap. Disgruntled factory worker? Weird, failed Quebecois outreach? A horribly misguided attempt to be edgy? Actually yes, it is one of those things!

The company has cancelled the promotion that paired randomly generated English and French words on the lids of bottled water.

If that seems like a very bizarre explanation (what exactly is the point of that promotion?), well, just know that the apology didn’t go over too well.

“We did not mean to offend at all,” said Shannon Denny, director of brand communications for Coca-Cola Refreshment Canada. “We are certainly very apologetic for this oversight.”


“We have learned from this and it was a mistake,” he said. “At no point in time did we intend on offending anyone by any stretch and we have cancelled and moved on and have dealt with this as soon as possible.”

Apparently the Doug Loates, the recipient of the bottlecap (who has a mentally disabled daughter) wasn’t to thrilled with this. But our story continues:

Loates was initially unhappy with the company’s first attempt at an apology but says the second attempt from David Thomson, a vice-president with Coca-Cola Refreshments Canada, was more personal and he accepts it.

I don’t know what David Thomson, vice-president with Coca-Cola Refreshments Canada said, but good on him for knowing that when you’re apologizing for an insanely offensive bottlecap (a perhaps never before used three-word sequence), it takes a personal touch.

Grade: A+

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One thought on “Apology Tour: Emmy Week Edition (Emmy’s Will Not Be Discussed)

  1. kita says:

    We’ve missed you Mr VooDoo.
    Or as Mr. Hayward would say,
    “We’re sorry”
    Great to have you back!

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