Important Investigations is an ongoing Pulitzer-worthy series where I try to solve the big questions that befuddle even the sharpest mind. Today, we will talk about two things that are both urgently pressing and near and dear to my heart: men’s hairstyles and the state of Alabama.
Specifically: why does every white football-playing person in the state of Alabama have the same haircut? And what is the name of this haircut? Why have I never seen one of these in real, non-Alabama life? Not sure what I’m talking abut? Ok. Let’s back up and take a look at a photograph of the University of Alabama’s previous four starting quarterbacks, from left, A.J. McCarron, Greg McElroy, John Parker Wilson, and Brodie Croyle.
So far so good. There are variations–some are a little longer, some sweep left, some sweep right, but fundamentally, we’re talking about the same haircut here. Alabama Hair, if you will, first gained national attention on the MTV show Two-A-Days, where there was a similarly large amount of Alabama Hair. Checkit:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING #24!?!?!??! YOU’VE RUINED MY WELL-THOUGHT OUT AND NOT ENTIRELY POINTLESS BLOG POST.
Sorry you had to see that. Let’s just pretend #24 doesn’t exist and move on with this Important Investigation.
Ok, so that’s six people, mostly grabbed at random (one of those Hoover guys is John Parker Wilson’s brother)–these are probably the six most notable white people to play football in the state of Alabama in the last six years, and they all have the same haircut. What gives? As it turns out, I’m not the only one to have investigated this important issue. Some commenter guy on a website explains:
I grew up in Alabama (I live in Seattle now) and I can attest that yes… these haircuts are very common among white males in high shcool/college throughout most of Alabama, Mississippi, and Georgia.
Most “guys” in the south — by “guys” I mean good Southern men/boys who pride themselves on not pampering themselves but enjoy being men’s men — use very little, if any “product” such as hair gel. So, we grow it semi-long and comb it just out of our eyesight. Why? I dunno… but it’s normal to us. The girls loooove it.
It is most commonly referred to as the “Frat Boy Hair” as the term “Frat Boy” in AL/MS/GA is not a negative term… but a term that brings an image of a Southern gentleman in training.
We know it looks a little weird to you guys/gals. But then again, your hairstyles look a little weird to us.
Mind blown. I wonder if like, the color green that I see is the same as the color green that you see. How can we ever know these things? So there’s our answer.