Today in Crappy Rappers Getting Arrested

Soulja Boy, who was last spotted apologizing for calling the troops a bunch of bitches is back in the news, this time getting arrested for marijuana and gun possession.

He never really got proper credit for two brilliant songs in “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” and especially “Kiss Me Thru the Phone,” because 1) he was 17 when the former came out, and also because he’s quite obviously a moron (sayeth Mr. Boy, “Shout out to the slave masters! Without them we’d still be in Africa…We wouldn’t be here…to get this ice and tattoos.”) You really can’t underrate how being such a stupid can affect your image. But still, those songs are amazingly catchy. As a result of those songs’ catchiness and his undeniable stupidity, Soulja Boy has the rare honor of being 21-years-old and over the hill.

So, what’s the deal with Soulja Boy’s arrest?

Police discovered marijuana, pistols and cash inside the car after a “routine traffic stop,” Rampy said. She declined to disclose the amount of marijuana or money.

The rapper, three bodyguards and a driver each were arrested on felony charges of possession of marijuana, possession of marijuana with intent to distribute and possession of a firearm, Rampy said.

Ah, the old “routine traffic stop.” Are cops even trying to hide that they were profiling a rich black guy, who admittedly was doing all kinds of illegal silliness. And… intent to distribute? I kinda doubt it.

I’m also confused by the sentence in the Reuters article referencing the incident with the troops that reads, “Media outlets reported that stores run by the military would not carry his new album because of the song.” Is Sam Goody a stand-in for Uncle Sam? This is just “Yvan Eht Nioj” all over again!

Soulja Boy was also involved in a possible chain-snatching incident. The chain in question? Yung Berg’s handsome Transformers chain, pictured with its new owner at the top. Yung Berg, who you probably don’t remember from his two songs with “Sexy” in the title had a similar run-in with the law. Unfortunately for him, there were a whole bunch of cameras around to record his arrest and then uselessly blur out his footage.

What’s that you say? You’d like to see Yung Berg be arrested? Roll it!

That clip is notable for six reasons

1) His use of the “I’m an artist” defense. If he had any chance of remaining anonymous through this, specifically mentioning his record label probably killed it.

2) How unbelievably sad he is.

3) After insisting that he has no drugs on his person, when they find his weed stash (word of advice: always have a weed carrier), he sadly mumbles “That’s just marijuana,” but it kinda sounds like “That’s just Mayor Rondo,” which I believe should be Rajon Rondo’s nickname.

4) don’t let your manager be caught on tape saying “The kid weighs 100 pounds”

5) Did Yung Berg’s manager somehow assault a police officer then escape on an ATV? What?!?!?

6) Also not a good look for a rapper: saying the words “Whatever you need to do, I’m cooperating” to the police.

Anyway, good luck to Soulja Boy. America misses you already!

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2 thoughts on “Today in Crappy Rappers Getting Arrested

  1. I'm an artist too! says:

    678 triple 9 8 2 12 I’m with you! (sorta)

  2. I'm an artist too! says:

    Also, that photo up top..that surely is Portrait of An Artist As a Yung Man for our modern era.
    –Soulja Joyce

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