Beyonce is the Mitt Romney of Pop Music

Finally! I’ve long believed that pregnant women are really, really, sexy, but just haven’t had the clothes to prove it. Boy, that does not look good when it’s written down. Anyway, thanks to Beyonce, the problem of what pregnant women should wear is now solved because the newly pregnant (or is she?!?! Yes, she is), Beyonce Knowles has turned her attention to sexy maternity wear.

I’m pretty sure this cements Beyonce’s place as the most boring superstar of all time, in any field. She left one of the biggest girl groups ever (and not just in a literal sense, what with them replacing a member every other week) to have one of the biggest solo careers ever. She’s earned a trillion billion dollars (estimated), is married to probably the biggest rapper of all-time, and yet, nothing.

Instead of him making her more compelling, she’s gradually made Jay-Z more boring and domesticated over the past decade. He released a book of his lyrics. Barack Obama respects him. It seems like all he does these days is dilly-dally with the former New Jersey Nets, sponsor champagnes and talk to Terri Gross. This is the guy who was in the greatest (non-fatal) rap feud ever!

Even when she released the worst single in recent memory, somehow nobody noticed or cared. She has steered completely free of scandal: no rumors of cocaine use, affairs, no swinging at paparazzi, no nothing. Her wikipedia page has a section for philanthropy, but not one for her personal life.

Beyonce is the Mitt Romney of pop culture. Boring, attractive in a sterile way, and even her risks feel calculated. They are the rare creatures who were essentially groomed from birth for their chosen profession and have taken to it and appear to come out relatively well-adjusted. And so, good for them. But God they’re boring.

Stay tuned next week for when I compare Solange to Tagg Romney.

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2 thoughts on “Beyonce is the Mitt Romney of Pop Music

  1. from WHYY Philadelphia says:

    Will Bey and Jayhova himself be doing any relief work for Hurricane Jova? Surely, right? Or are they just a little miffed since that was their nickname for all the press coverage for their baby.. Hurricane Hova!…and now they can’t say it cause it’s not PC? Terri Gross to investigate.

  2. from WHYY Philadelphia says:

    p.s. don’t forget about Nelly’s Dilemma ft. Kelly Williams. They were all set to be the #2 entertainment power couple, but Kelly couldn’t get him to take off the band-aid.

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