I’ve just moved to Los Angeles, and being a cheap bastard, I’ve oriented my web-based coupons toward finding discounts in the area. The following are actual discounted products that have landed in my inbox in the past month. So, what is it that LA’s people want?
First and foremost, being less of a disgusting fatso.
Ice to meet you, Venus Freeze Skin-Tightening Treatments. As the description explains: “Much like an automobile, the human body requires proper care to stay healthy and good-looking for calendar photos.” This makes sense–the head is the engine, the heart is the motor, and the elbow is the dipstick (note: I know very little about cars). However, the news isn’t all good:
“This Groupon is valid for one of the following areas: chin, neck, upper arms, lower abdomen, upper inner thigh, upper back thigh, lower face, and under eyes.”
There goes my planned lower outer thigh / upper face lipo-spectacular! Oh well. Maybe the next one has a more complete package.
Are you the only living person in Glendora? Regardless, it’s not too late to undo that regrettable lifetime of happiness that has left you more wrinkled than the Wrinklevoss twins. But maybe 20 units of botox are not enough. Don’t worry, there’s a deal for you.
Back to Groupon where a certified doctor will inject you with up to 60 units of botox. Now we’re talking. Finally a place to have lasting surgery done on my face, and for cheap. Don’t get me wrong; face surgery is always a great option–but an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. And with that, I present, Yoga 4 Kidz.
Just remind them not to smile too much.