Criminal Mastermind on the Loose

Because I never know when I’m going to get to say this again: a man dressed as Gumby attempted to rob a convenience store in San Diego, escaping with only some loose change. Roll the tape!

What a magnificent week for Gumby. First Eddie Murphy gets to host the Oscars, now this. The most exciting part is that our Gumby without a Cause is currently on the lam. The LA Times has the details:

San Diego Crime Stoppers is offering a $1,000 reward for information leading to the arrest of Gumby and/or the accomplice. The car was described as a light-colored mini-van; the Gumby suit was green.

This of course raises some questions, starting with: why  is there a $1,000 reward for a guy who “escaped with only some loose change?” Did the Gumby suit cost more than the actual haul of the robbery? Would our Gumby be able to collect that money if he turned himself in? Isn’t a Gumby suit, by definition, green? Was his accomplice wearing this? Will police investigate this crime by tracking recent sales of Gumby suits in the San Diego area? Will Gumble 2 Gumble investigate Gumby? Everything about this is SHROUDED IN MYSTERY.

Police have noted that Gumby has been seen in recent years playing point guard for the Milwaukee Bucks, carousing with Whitney Houston, and hosting an awesome party while his parents are out of town. The Green Menace must be stopped.

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2 thoughts on “Criminal Mastermind on the Loose

  1. Ted says:

    even if they manage to incarcerate Gumby, can’t he just escape by walking through the prison walls?

    bad muthafucka.

  2. Squidward BikiniBottom Greenberg says:

    To add insult to injury (I think I’m talking about Gumby’s injury?):

    The poor clerk didn’t know who “Gumby” was! He “described the character as a green SpongeBob SquarePants.”

    And to think we all once thought Gumby’s fame was all-reaching and infinite, and his verdure universal.

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