10 Things I Hate About I Hate My Teenage Daughter

TV SHOW TRAILER BREAKDOWN SEASON BEGINS NOW.

Let’s break it down, shall we? Yes, let’s!

1. Horrible Mother (Redhead) calls Horrible Mother (Blonde)’s child a bitch. That’s allowed? On network TV? Gah. I hate the world today.

2. HMBlonde calls HMRedhead’s daughter “McKenzie,” implying that someone gave her that name. I would take a bet that the show will have a joke where this character is named after Spuds McKenzie. She was drunk on Budweiser, saw a handsome stranger across the bar… The rest writes itself, really.

3. HMBlonde says HMRedhead’s daughter is dressed like a call girl.

4. HMRedhead yells at her husband to get a job. He has a job. This sequence mostly serves as a vehicle for The Black Guy to explain how White People always are calling him Tiger when he’s playing golf. This makes no sense. Nobody could ever be confused about whether or not they were playing golf with Tiger Woods. Is it just you, a couple friends and a person you suspect of being Tiger Woods on the course for a relaxing day of solitude? Then you are not playing golf with Tiger Woods.

And this guy looks nothing like Tiger Woods. I’m not just saying that to avoid being racist. I LOVE when a black person and a part-black, part-Asian person look alike. (I also like when Mr. Bean and Antoine de Saint-Exupéry look alike.)

5. A central premise is that Jaime Pressly indulges her daughter because “you don’t want her to be a freak like you were when you were growing up,” says Suitman, her ex-brother-in-law. Maybe this might be plausible. Wikipedia, Wikipedia, on the wall, was Jaime Pressly an awkward, unattractive kid?

By age 14, she was the spokeswoman for her modeling agency “International Cover Model Search” and had begun to gain recognition for her modeling in the USA, as well as in Italy and Japan.[citation needed] Pressly subsequently sought and succeeded in having herself legally emancipated from her parents at the age of 15 so she could take up a modeling job in Japan.

She was literally too pretty to have parents.

6. I don’t have children. But if I did… You know what, no. I’m not going to get into exactly why these two are such Horrible Parents. Just know that the dual protagonists of this show, the people whose emotional journey you are expected to follow, the characters that you are supposed to grow and love… just know that they have willfully done a Horrible Job raising their children. Child abuse isn’t really funny as a side gag, but I guess it can be (I mean, wasn’t that what Everclear was?) but the whole point of this show is to make us ROOT FOR CHILD ABUSERS.

7. So, remember how Jaime Pressly was being mocked for being an UglyFace, despite having made a living as a professional attractive person? Well, don’t worry, there are fat jokes at the other one’s expense! And is she actual, human-fat? Of course not! Nevertheless, she will say the words, “Did you bring the pies or not?” and have pie smeared all over her face moments later.

8. The object of HMBlonde’s desire is Suitman, who is also the UNCLE OF HER DAUGHTER, which, while repulsive, would be much, much worse if it were a man chasing his ex’s sister, so high fives all around. At least it’s not that!

9. Someone on this show won a Tony Award? TWO Tony Awards?!?!?!?

10. Youtube’s top-rated comment on this particular video is as follows:

Wow, this is beyond scary. Another show glorifying disrespectful teenagers that kids will watch and try to emulate. What’s worse is that there are TONS of kids out there who act this way. Honestly, some people just aren’t meant to be parents

Welcome to hitsville, population, I Hate My Teenage Daughter!

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2 thoughts on “10 Things I Hate About I Hate My Teenage Daughter

  1. […] of someone much better-looking than them? That is not good for self-esteem! It was a problem in the last one of these I did, it’s the worst thing about 30 Rock, and generally rings false. (And avoiding that particular […]

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