Tag Archives: Lance Bass

Fox News Writes The Most Pointless Article Ever Written

Hatee-hatee-hatee-ho, indeed.

We’ve all heard about the Obamacare delays by now. But Fox News has continued their important research and found the most insidious Obamacare scandal of all: a frightening lack of celebrity YouTube videos in support of it.

In the heady days after the October 1 launch of the Affordable Care Act — better known as ObamaCare — Lady Gaga, Amy Poehler, Nina Dobrev, Rosario Dawson, Sarah Silverman, Olivia Wilde, Alicia Keys, Jennifer Hudson, Pearl Jam, Lance Bass, John Legend, Alyssa Milano and Kerry Washington joined the President to encourage Americans to #getcovered.

Ah yes, the heady days of three weeks ago. Let’s open the time capsule of earlier this month, shall we? Miley Cyrus (remember her?!) had the number one song in the country and something called Gravity was the number one movie in theaters–today it’s only shown in obscure art house theatres where people can recreate their childhood memories in dank, empty rooms.

Since then, technical glitches and website snafus have so marred the ObamaCare website that the team who built it has been called to testify before Congress on Thursday. But there will be no celebrities flanking them on Capitol Hill, as the stars that helped launch the initiative are now being advised to walk away.

Had Obamacare’s launch gone smoothly, there’s no reason to think that Lance Bass wouldn’t have been called to testify before Congress as a public health expert. Instead, glitches, and not a peep from NSYNC, MD.
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Sexiest Man Controvery Embroils America (Plus A Historical Retrospective on People’s BEST COVERS EVAR)

So, it’s come to this. People Magazine, the guardians of modern journalism who brought you stories of international importance such as “Dakota Fanning learns to do Laundry,” “Inside Zoe Saldana’s Pre-Breakup Family Dinner” and really, everything that falls under the aegis of their website celebritybabies.people.com, has named their World’s Sexiest Man.

And for twentieth year in a row, it’s Nick Nolte! Congratulations again, Nick! (My sources on this somehow turned out to be incorrect. We regret the error.)

No, the World’s Sexiest People’s Sexiest Sexyman of the Sexy Year is Bradley Cooper. I know what you’re thinking–I’ve already read nearly 100 words, get to the fucking point-so I will. This choice, while seemingly a generic selection of a good-looking white actor who does the kind of boring and awful movie that the humans who read People go see in droves, is a controversial one.

Why? Because Ryan Gosling wuz robbed, that’s why! Let’s go over Ryan Gosling’s resume:

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