As anyone with a massive iTunes library can tell you, there isn’t always time enough to listen to everything. But what songs are so un-noteworthy as to have a play count of zero? In my case, a lot of them, so much so that my original plan of detailing all of them is just too much work. (NB: the 0 play count is from when I got a new computer about a year ago, much of my music library is much older than that).
Still, I felt the need to provide a partial breakdown of my un-listened-to songs. But first, a few get lumped into categories:
1. Wait, that’s the only song I have from them?
Al Green – Love and Happiness
Beach Boys – Feel Flows
For reasons beyond me, these are the only Al Green and Beach Boys songs I have. Not “Let’s Stay Together” and “Good Vibrations,” these two somewhat random ones.
2. Disappointing Other CDs
Animal Collective – Fall Be Kind EP
“My Girls” is a legitimately great song. The rest of Merriweather Post Pavillion is fine too. But a man has his limits when it comes to electro-drone, or whatever this is.
Los Campesinos! – We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed
I mean, Hold On Youngster… was my jam in 2007 or whatever. It got them a Budweiser commercial! This CD though… not so much.
The Magnetic Fields – Distortion
With so many better things to choose from in their oeuvre, I’ll pass on their weird electronic album.
Wolf Parade – At Mount Zoomer, Expo 86
Somehow these were both infinitely worse than Apologies to the Queen Mary, which was awesome. Music seems hard to make.
3. I’ll Just Watch The Damn Video
Falco – Rock Me Amadeus
If, for whatever reason I decide I need to hear Rock Me Amadeus, I might as well watch the technicolor video as well.
Not the actual video, mind you, but the one with Bert & Ernie and the rest of the gang singing along
Men Without Hats – The Safety Dance
Yeah, a midget dancing around a maypole getting whacked on the ass as a guy looks on, dead serious. I’m going to go ahead and watch that.
4. I’d Rather Listen to the Song It’s Sampled In
Isley Brothers – Between the Sheets
To all the ladies in the place with style and grace.
Lakeside – Fantastic Voyage
I’m convinced that if Coolio had picked anything other than the worst rapper name of all time he could’ve had a much longer career.
Steel Pulse – Blues Dance Raid
To answer your question, “Jamaican Joint” by Cam’ron
Ok, now onto the general list of songs I’ve never listened. Let’s do this!
5. Alanis Morisette – Ironic
Just because you can download a song, doesn’t mean you should. In the early days of having all of humanity’s musical output at my fingertips, I foolishly believed that I could (or should) have an effective database of pretty much any notable song. Oh, you want to hear “She Blinded Me with Science”? No problem! Given that YouTube now exists, this is a far less essential piece of the iTunes than it seemed at the time. Nevertheless some relics from this period still exist.
6. Barry Polisar – All I Want is You
Oh, Juno Soundtrack.
7. Atlas Sound – Logos (CD)
“Walkabout” is my jam. The rest of this? Trash!
8. B-Legit – Ghetto Smile
A rap song that heavily samples Hall & Oates’ “Sara Smile” sounds great in theory. But it’s not really something that you’re going to want to sit around and listen to, really.
9. Baby Bash – I’m Back
What the hell is wrong with me? This song rules. I’ll be back in 3:48.
10. Beth Orton – Worms
So goofy. And major bonus points for being right around two minutes long.
11. The Fiery Furnaces – Tropical Ice-Land
Tropical Icy Land!
12. Beastie Boys – Various Songs
I feel like I have these out of some sort of obligation. Beastie Boys songs are pretty much always unpleasant to listen to.
13. Beck – 41 different songs
I just… don’t really have an explanation here. I think I got all of most off of the late great Mojo, which allowed you to steal the music of anyone on the same internet connection as you.
14. Ben Folds – Such Great Heights
Who wants a Ben Folds cover? His voice kinda sucks. He did write the best tribute to abortion ever though, so there’s that.
15. Bill Callahan – Sometimes I Wish I Were An Eagle (CD)
This was a very well-reviewed CD that I kinda tried to talk myself into for a while there before realizing how boring it is. Also, he has the same name as that crappy Raiders coach.
16. Bing Crosby – Let It Snow and White Christmas
Just because I’m under the age of 128 doesn’t mean I can’t have a couple of the Bingster’s songs. But it does mean I can never listen to them.
17. Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse of the Heart
A seven minute song is fine as background noise, but this song is a goddamn emotional roller coaster. I can’t handle more than three minutes of this before I’m sobbing uncontrollably and clutching a broken picture frame, wondering, “What if…”
18. Boston – More Than A Feeling
For some reason, stadium rock doesn’t really translate that well to the home computing experience.
19. British Sea Power – The Decline of British Sea Power, Do You Like Rock Music?, Open Season, Valhalla Dancehall (CDs)
Sometimes a band has such a good name that I will give them chance after chance to earn their way into the rotation. Believe me, there’s nothing I’d like better than to listen to a CD called The Decline of British Sea Power by a band called British Sea Power. Doesn’t that sound great? Sure it does! But… as you may have figured out from these album titles, they can be a little too pretentious and overly dramatic.